Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
