Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
