I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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