opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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