I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You are the jesus of drinking
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
