i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
