if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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