Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What's dad's email?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life