good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
my god I love twenty year old dicks