dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bring me that man meat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why are you drunk at the library?