Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.