So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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