I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
