How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
