dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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