I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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