i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
