you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
