I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
