I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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