I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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