my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
