Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
