omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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