it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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