What a fucking waste of an outfit
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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