i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
