i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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