literally had 100 drinks last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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