Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
