he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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