hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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