I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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