White coat. Heels.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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