So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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