Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
