did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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