I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All the doctor said was why
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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