Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
