Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
