He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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