Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I could make wine with my vomit
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
