Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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