we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
