my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
