I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
