It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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