I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
