I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
