you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
