the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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