Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

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(404): View more from Georgia

she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.

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(734): View more from Michigan

If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns

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(509): View more from Washington

im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(615): View more from Tennessee

If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.

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(443): View more from Maryland

She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...

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