my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...