Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  She was lying the whole time!

  (310): View more from California

  She was a great actress

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was a great dumbass

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  (248): She was lying the whole time! (310): She was a great actress (248): I was a great dumbass http://tfl.nu/8lxg
  Replies (2) Good night (880) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.

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  (253): I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby. http://tfl.nu/itl7
  Replies (9) Good night (630) Bad night (2736)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.

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  (516): you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed (603): well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways. http://tfl.nu/oeiu
  Replies (7) Good night (2183) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So do you want to come over? ;)

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.

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  (612): So do you want to come over? ;) (763): Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/m0zn
  Replies (44) Good night (1213) Bad night (6893)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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  (718): I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide. http://tfl.nu/8m3e
  Replies (6) Good night (4407) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

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  (585): you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation. http://tfl.nu/l508
  Replies (6) Good night (1743) Bad night (3444)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...

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  (908): Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty... http://tfl.nu/7ob9
  Replies (13) Good night (2733) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety

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  (+61): On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety http://tfl.nu/7rit
  Replies (9) Good night (2666) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it

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  (480): You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it http://tfl.nu/17sa
  Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.

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  (+61): I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis. http://tfl.nu/imc2
  Replies (7) Good night (1223) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...

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  (720): Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire... http://tfl.nu/8q2n
  Replies (4) Good night (856) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?

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  (616): my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun? http://tfl.nu/vevn
  Replies (3) Good night (489) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee

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  (832): this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee http://tfl.nu/kl3z
  Replies (0) Good night (522) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?

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  (630): your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style. (630): also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns? http://tfl.nu/rnwg
  Replies (19) Good night (727) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.

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  (+44): This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither. http://tfl.nu/vp0e
  Replies (1) Good night (159) Bad night (676)

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