So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.