She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT