btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
