The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
