it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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