Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His nipple licking is glorious
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