found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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