Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Shame - the story of my life.
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