I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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