I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
