Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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