jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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